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For the past 10 years all I’ve known are diapers,  bottles,  nap time,  potty training,  mashed foods,  diaper rash… You get the point.  Now I’m lucky enough to say all my babies have grown up and are in school.  I have mornings and afternoons to myself to do whatever I wish.  I am finally catching up on my readings and most importantly my sleep!  Talk about how fast I get through my grocery list.  No yelling,  no crying,  no screaming,  no potty break and no tantrums!   I’m done in very little time.

What to do with so much free time?
I have started taken couple of classes,  joined book clubs and now trying to figure out what I will do for the rest of my life.  My life has been my kids.  That is all I’ve known.  From that to nothing during the day is a huge adjustment.  I can’t even think of starting working. .. Who will hire me after 10 years out as well no experience.  My chances are pretty slim.  Thought about going back to school furthering my graduates degree but I’m not sure how I will do in a class setting anymore.   I gave everything to my kids and now have this emptiness and void that nothing can fill.

I find myself worrying about them more than I have ever before.  When they were home with me, they were around me,  I knew their every move,  I knew their schedule…I pretty much was in control of their lives.  I’m slowly finding myself losing that control and I got to say,  not easy in doing so. I know it’s all part of growing up and life.  I’m finding myself being less of the mother I use to be and more of a friend.  Instead of changing diapers, I am now busy talking about friend’s issues, the up and coming fashions and hairstyles.  Trying to keep up with the whole cool mom look.  I’m finding a best friend in my daughter and a protective care taker in my son. 

Now slowly realizing the mother I was and needed to be was necessary for my children to be who they are today.  I’m finding a best friend in my daughter cause as long as she can remember I was there for her in every way.  Same can be said about my son.  My son being the protective and caring type was because of him receiving that care and attention when young. 

I may not have a successful career or a wall full of degrees or a hefty paycheck coming in.  I can say this, seeing my children succeed provides me with more satisfaction and happiness if I were to succeed in those same things.  Watching them bloom into these amazing human beings only puts a smile on my face and a heart full of happiness and joy.

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